Deep and dirty clean

It all began so well. Get up early, strip out the remaining furniture and get scrubbin’ – well that was the plan.

The invoice arrived from the shippers – Lola rang to pay and the man oddly requested our paperwork. The instructions had said tape them to the box. Cutting an excruciating story short, it turns out we’d got a quote off two companies, booked with one and sent the paperwork for the wrong one to our shipper – who we’d never intended to hire in the first place. A totally balls up on our (my) part, I know unusual right?? How I got to my age without accidentally being sent to prison I still am a little unclear.

The cleaning did finally begin, and the bowls of water were quickly turning black. Top tip – never live in an old place under the Heathrow flight path. Everything has a creamy flammable layer of kerosene on it – why do you think Windsor Castle caught fire all those years ago? Liz is a dirty bitch and never dusts her crowns and gold, one crafty ciggie by Phil and woof, you can hear the ironic screams of delight in Slough – yes we went back there today AGAIN. Lord knows this could be the last time.

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